I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
