dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
