hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
