There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
