the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
