I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
