If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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