What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
