Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My ass is underappreciated
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize