When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
