Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
