Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
