oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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