I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
