If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
