do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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