you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize