If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
