i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
