things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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