I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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