Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pants are for mortals
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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