I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
