Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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