where am i from again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
