Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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