I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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