Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
