And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
