My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
