I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
