my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
