Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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