he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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