yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
