Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
