I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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