i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
