is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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