like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
