the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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