yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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