is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
