You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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