Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
