Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
