Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
