we have pet lesbian snakes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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