These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize