Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
