Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
