So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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