thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
