i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize