You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
