I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
