Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
and you fell through a lawn chair
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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