I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
