erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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